I’m not completely done analyzing the love languages, but I wanted to put these up now. I’m not completely educated in these love languages, but I wanted to express what I know and think right now. I’ve been analyzing these for a while. However, that doesn’t mean I’m entirely correct on everything. Feel free to comment if you disagree.
For those who have been abused- they may not like hugs or when someone touches them. You assume their love language is most definitely not physical touch. However, when you take a deeper look into the reasons they react the way they do, you may have second thoughts. Why is it that some come out of abuse loving hugs, touch, etc. while others come out seeming to hate it? When your love language is physical touch, every time someone makes physical contact with you, that touch means commitment. It’s saying, “I love you.” One girl asked me why, if her love language was physical touch, did she seem to hate hugs so much. I, knowing exactly how she felt, responded with something that struck her with amazement. If you have ever been hurt physically or emotionally, you stop to trust people. Therefore, when you stop trusting people, you don’t want to commit or give your love to them right away. If physical touch represents commitment, then you don’t want physical touch. If you’ve been hurt countless times by those you loved unconditionally, your trust factor breaks down. With that, comes your inability to follow through with commitment. Those who fall in this category seem to be passionate people. They analyze, therefore analyzing every received physical touch as commitment to love.
These people love giving hugs to show their love or appreciation. If someone doesn’t want to accept it, they may be hurt. Sometimes we have to do things we aren’t comfortable with to show love to those we truly do care for. We are all unique and express love in different ways.
It is extremely important to understand those whose love language is quality time. These people hate being ignored. They feel especially loved when you spend time with them, one-on-one. When you focus on them, they feel loved. Therefore, when you ignore them (on purpose or accidentally) they get hurt easily. You have to make sure that you are including them in things. Otherwise, they will feel unloved. This may seem ridiculous and you may think they need to toughen up. However, as I stated before, God has given us each our own love languages. This is what makes us each different.
These people love spending time with the ones they feel close to. They feel left out when friends don’t invite them somewhere. When making a list of people to invite to a particular event, they may feel overwhelmed because of the desire to have all of the people they care most for there at the event.
Words of Affirmation
These people also seem to be easily offended. They feel especially loved when you shower them with compliments. You don’t have to necessarily tell them how gorgeous they are or how nice they look that day. Sure, that makes their day, but that’s not all they appreciate. When you take them aside and let them know how much they are appreciated and that their work is being noticed, then they feel loved and wanted. They may not seem to take teasing to heart, but it carries with them throughout the day. They wonder if what they said is true. “Am I really a ditz?” Therefore, we need to watch our tongue so we don’t bring them down.
Acts of Service
When you do something, without being told, for someone whose love language is acts of service, they feel loved. For example, if you wash their dishes after noticing they need to be done, to them, it expresses your love or appreciation for them. They deeply appreciate random acts of kindness. They show their love for others by performing “random acts of kindness” for their friends and family.
Unfortunately, there is a down side to this love language as well. When they need help, they think people should be aware of their need for help. If you don’t notice or choose not to help, they think you don’t love them. It seems bizarre, but very true. For example, imagine your mother goes grocery shopping. She comes home, exhausted and with the car loaded with groceries. If she’s struggling to open the door because her hands are full and you’re just standing there, she may get mad. Not because she necessarily thinks you’re worthless and unsympathetic, but because to her, when you help her out with small things like opening the door or carrying her groceries, it expresses your love and appreciation for her.
From first glance, you may think this person is materialistic. However, the gifts they appreciate do not have to necessarily be something they can “use”. Maybe it’s just something random and silly to let them know that you’re thinking about them. They feel loved when they receive tangible gifts. They express their love for you by giving you random gifts. They put deep thought into the gifts they give you. When you don’t appreciate a gift they give you, they may feel unloved or unappreciated.
If everyone is given a gift but them, they’re not selfish and greedy because they pout. It’s because they don’t feel loved. If you ask them what they want for Christmas and they don’t receive it, they’re not necessarily selfish because they’re hurt. They feel like you didn’t put the time and thought into them. If you get them the wrong color in something (a color they don’t like), they’re not sensitive because they’re hurt by that. They take that as you not knowing them well enough or not caring enough to put thought into it.
Everyone has a love language. Some are harder to discern; some you pick up on right away. (One thing to keep in mind is that when I say they express their love through these things, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in love with you. It may just mean they highly appreciate you and your friendship.) By digging in deeper to the cause and effect of actions with each love language, we can come to understand each other better. It may save a friendship; it may build a friendship. So next time you’re in any of the above situations, think about it before you accuse them of being a sensitive, heartless, ungrateful person. While some people truly do struggle with these mentioned, there are some instances where it is simply because they don’t feel loved or cared for. Next time, we should contemplate our actions and words before we go through with them.